The notion that larger penises guarantee a great sex life. Worse still, locker room talk and societal myths have associated penis size and manhood for years. But are these notions actually true? And what do they mean for people and their relationships?
Myths and weird notions about penises can lead to unhealthy attitudes about sex and relationships. For instance, men with large penises can feel overly confident about their prowess and will assume that women care about penis size more than they do. A guy with a giant penis will think that size alone will carry the day and forego oral play.
Many men think women care a lot about penis size, and guys with penis size insecurities may believe that penis enlargement techniques or products will help them level the playing field. So they then go out and spend money on creams, lotions, and other products to become "Mr Perfect". The only penis enlargement technique that might work is penis enlargement surgery. Other methods do not work, but they do have effective marketing.
Myth: The size of a flaccid penis predicts or correlates to the size of an erect penis. Nope! A tiny flaccid penis could be a rather sizeable erect penis or vice-versa. There are other penis-size myths out there, and some are almost comical. See this Seinfeld episode where George loses it because a lady saw his flaccid penis:
Myth: Porn accurately portrays men's members. Male actors in porn get the role in the film because they have enormous penises and not because they are representative of men more generally. Porn is a business built on selling fantasies, and penis size is no exception here.
Myth: The size of a man's hands or feet predicts penis size. Nope. There is no evidence that hands and feet correlate with penis size.
Myth: Real men don't have insecurities about their bodies or penis size. It is totally normal for any guy to feel some insecurities about this or that body part at some time. These feelings are situational or perceptual rather than based on fact. Every regular, healthy guy gets these feelings at some point, and having these feelings does not have to be a big deal.
Myth: Penises are simple and just work. Getting an erection and being able to ejaculate depends on mood, state of mind, age, and other factors. So it is not guaranteed that a penis will do what you want it to do on command.
This video by Dr. Bret Palmer covers some other penis myths.
But the real question here is whether women actually care about the size of said member. Reality: 85% of women are satisfied with the size of the partner's penis.
After speaking to sexually active twenty-somethings it was clear that most urban young people in India people do not actually believe that a bigger penis is a guarantee of more pleasure for women.
“Bigger is definitely not better. There's a sweet spot for penises too. If you're too big, oral sex is difficult and being rough can lead to actual bruising. Also finding XXL condoms in India is a nightmare,” said 28-year-old Vivek D from Bangalore. He wasn’t the only man to discharge the myth that bigger is better.
Twenty five year old Mayank A from Kolkata thinks that penis size doesn’t matter “unless it was way too inadequate”, which he defined as a penis that was only an inch long. “It matters how you use it, which is more important than the length. Also, I know a girl who complained that bigger penises hurt a lot.” This united most women who were interviewed.
So size does not really matter. But we really should solicit women's opinions on the matter, and we have.
Swarnima B, a 27-year-old entrepreneur from New Delhi, said, “Penis size doesn’t matter to me personally. In fact, I prefer smaller penises because it’s more comfortable. And they are also easier during oral sex.” She also opined that smaller penises were easier from the point of view of hygiene. Women were more or less concerned about the pain that a bigger penis would inflict during penetration.
Smaller penises, said Anamika E, 25, a production assistant from Mumbai, wouldn’t make me gag and some men want their entire penis taken in for deepthroat.
Another 25-year-old, Tanvi P, from New Delhi, in fact held a grouse against men with bigger penises. “Guys with bigger penises think they have aced their game by virtue of being bigger, which is not true. It’s more about the foreplay, afterplay and how well they understand my body,” she said.
However, not every women who was interviewed believed that the size doesn’t matter at all. Arunima R, a 26-year-old advertising executive, believes that one inch more or less than the average Indian size, believed to be around 6”, is a good size. However, anything more or less than that wouldn’t be satisfying.
On the other end of the spectrum, was a 27-year-old writer from Bangalore, Rushali P, who said, “Short ones don’t give the kind of pleasure that big ones do obviously. However, if the guy knows how to use it then it can be a joy ride. I’ve been with some men who have big penises but obviously don’t know how to use it and after a while it’s so boring!”
Women and men interviewed in metro cities of India confirmed that bigger penises do not give more pleasure, and most believe that penis size does not matter or that an average-sized penis was more than adequate. And by the way, the average length of a penis is 5.2 inches.
]]>While we may be all adult men and women now, given our desi upbringing, it can still be uncomfortable talking about or buying any product related to intimacy, health and - well - sex! Remember watching TV with your parents and squirming in your seat when a romantic scene unexpectedly popped up? Remember when college friends dared you to buy condoms at the chemist, and you tried not to erupt into nervous giggles as you looked at the cashier?
There, we said the S word without giggling nervously. Phew. And this discomfort often extends to buying an intimate toy. Yes, today, online shopping means you don’t have to go to the trouble of visiting a seedy store in the back alleys of your local Burma Bazaar. However, we still need to discuss all the questions, myths, judgements and misinformation around sex toys.
So here are Commonly Believed But Completely Untrue Notions about Sex Toys that we need to leave by the wayside:
"Sex toys are only for single people because that's all they can get" - Narrow Naasih
Relationship status has nothing to do with owning sex toys or whether people in relationships should or should not own sex toys. Yes, many people who buy sex toys are single (often by choice), but many people in relationships also buy sex toys. People in relationships might like how toys make them feel during solo play or as a tool during couples' play. Owning a sex toy says nothing about how healthy or happy a person's sex life is.
“If I suggest buying a sex toy, I am afraid my partner will think I am too wild. I don’t want to replace my boyfriend with a battery operated toy.” - Nervous Neeta
Have you considered that your new-age, progressive boyfriend or husband may not be intimidated by the suggestion of using a sex toy together? He may just be excited to explore a new element of your lovemaking. Most men would love to be with a woman who is confident and isn’t afraid to ask for what she wants. And sex toys are not a replacement for a human being who can take steamy showers together, bring you flowers and reach for things on the topmost shelf! The next time you hang out, you may want to casually indicate your interest in sex toys and see how it goes. Don’t whip out a monster dildo without any warning during sex, and you should be fine.
"If a woman needs a sex toy to orgasm, then that shows that there is something definitely wrong with her" - Naive Nilan
Sorry, but this is totally untrue. Everybody's body is unique and different. Some people need more intense sensations or very specific sensations to orgasm. Needing intensity or specific sensations is neither right nor wrong; it is simply a characteristic of anatomy. This is how a person's body works, not a personal choice. Consider this fact: only about 25% of women regularly orgasm from penetrative sex. That means 75% of women require additional stimulation during penetrative sex to orgasm. So needing extra stimulation is normal; it's just the way anatomy works.
“Using a sex toy means I am a certified loser who cannot get laid, worse, if people knew, they will think I am some kind of psycho who thinks about sex 24/7.” - Panicked Pankaj
Whoa, hold on. Single people aren’t losers who magically transform into happy bunnies once they find their perfect partner. And individuals who want to be sexually satisfied are not perverts. Sex toys are used by both happily single and awe-inducing couples alike. There are toys for everyone, and buying and using your first (or tenth) sex toy does not make you a loser. Far from it - it shows a willingness that you are ready to take your pleasure *ahem* into your own hands or are open and confident enough to explore new, exciting sensations with a partner.
“Why would I need a sex toy when I am young, healthy, and have great fun between the sheets? These products are only for people with sexual problems.” - Studboy Salim
It is a myth that adult toys are only for people with problems in the bedroom. Toys can help take the pressure off couples and are equally helpful in spicing up your bedroom routine. If anything, your woman will be impressed that you are finding ways to make her feel even better and will be more than happy to return the favour. So you have nothing to lose except your inhibitions.
“Sex toys sometimes look scary. Could it injure me or a partner? What if it causes infections or other complications?” - Hesitant Hema
Sex toys come with detailed product descriptions that indicate how they are to be used. Depending on your comfort, you can start with easy-to-use toys suited for beginners. Moreover, Lovetreats focuses on stocking non-intimidating toys for women. Also, Lovetreats only retails products from quality-tested brands. These toys are hygienic and safe for repeated use.
"Men who enjoy using anal toys are gay or bisexual, obviously" - Lewd Latish
This is a widespread misconception, derived from the view that, by definition, men penetrate and women receive. So a male that enjoys penetration must be effeminate or gay because real men penetrate. The reality is that anal penetration is pleasurable for any man because of physiology. The prostate gland is the male equivalent of the G-Spot and has sensitive nerve endings that supercharge orgasm. So enjoying anal toys is about increasing orgasm intensity or having more types of sensations during orgasm. It has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
“I am sexually fairly inexperienced but curious. I'm not sure if there any toys for beginners like me.” - Curious Kamini
Absolutely, you can start by buying racy lingerie and massage products or use a blindfold to amp up sensations. Whether you are exploring your body by yourself or with a partner, you may want to try lubricants or even invest in a sex toy for beginners, like a bullet vibrator focused on enhancing female pleasure.
“I am worried about my nosy neighbour finding out about my purchase, also isn't this stuff illegal in India?” - Shy Shantala
We are aware of your privacy needs; we know aunty and uncle next door may faint if they found out what’s in your mailbox. We also don’t want the postman giving you knowing looks, so when we launched in October 2015, Lovetreats ensured that all its packaging would be logo free and discreet. And sex toys in India are not illegal. India has certain dated and vague laws governing ‘obscenity’, and as a retailer, Lovetreats presents products and descriptions tastefully, keeping these norms in mind and ensuring that the products are 100% legal.
Be sure to take a look at this video by Pallavi on sex toy myths.
]]>When I first started here at Lovetreats, I told all my friends about it. But one conversation about male masturbators with my friend 'Mr. Vibes' stood out. At the end of our heated discussion (his stance being, "I'm not desperate maaan, why would I need a toy maaan, when I got a girl maaaan."), I was intrigued by his opinion and decided it was time that we started this conversation openly here at Better Than Chocolate.
Masturbators. Lubricants. Anal toys. Whips. Handcuffs. Vibrators. For many, these products elicit images of sleazy, pornographic, kinky, desperate sex addict perverts. This negative, warped view comes from some traditional societal values (about marriage and healthy sex life) and the media around us. So traditionalists around us have written off sex toys as the number one accessory for losers.
But what if we looked at sex toys differently? What if, instead of seeing them as scary devices exclusively used by the perverts and porn stars of the world, we see them as an accessory or tools for better sex: sex toys not as a necessity but rather a wonderful addition to boost the main attraction. Let's take it a step further: people who use sex toys are totally on top of their game because they get it and because they have become open to and fully accepting of the anatomical needs.
And many singles and couples would feel better if they started getting it and becoming more open to their body's needs. Imagine the same intercourse routine or style of masturbation every time, day in and day out, but then one day, you add a new tool to change things up. Suddenly orgasm is a thousand times better. Think of a sex toy as a wonderful new booster: An addition, not a replacement.
Let's get the most common misconception out of the way: Sex toys are only for those who are desperate and lonely. Wrong. Couples use sex toys to heighten their relationships, and singles use these toys with healthy and happy attitudes about sex and relationships experience. Using sex toys during solo or "two or more" person play is not about immorality or unhealthy sexual attitudes; it is about having a good time. Plain and simple.
Sexuality is a primal, wired drive; denying it is like denying the urge to eat or drink water. So why view toys as only for those who are desperate? Let's look at sex toys as a way to honour and satisfy our physically ingrained needs.
The notion that using sex toys means that there is something wrong with one's body or partner bothered me. In Mr Vibes' view, sex toys compensate for a body that doesn't work well or help a partner who doesn't know how to perform "well". Wrong. For example, many women with perfectly functioning bodies cannot orgasm simply because vaginal intercourse doesn't directly stimulate their clitoris. Or they simply take longer to orgasm during intercourse. Only about 25% of women regularly orgasm during penetrative sex. The other 75% need additional stimulation to orgasm during intercourse. That is neither right nor wrong; it is simply a fact of anatomy.
And many sex therapists recommend using toys, like vibrators or pleasure rings, to stimulate women's erogenous zones. Many women require more than G-spot stimulation. So consider the addition of a spunky sex toy to truly explore the needs of our unique bodies.
Another misconception many people have is that dishonest men trying to capitalise on sexual ignorance make sex toys. Wrong. Think sleazy bodegas in dodgy alleys, where the lighting is poor, and the walls are plastered with overly-sexualised nude women in disempowered depictions. These "retailers" carry products that are cheap and poorly made.
The vision of Lovetreats and many other legal & safe brands is to discard these negative notions. Lovetreats is woman-friendly and features NO lewd images. We encourage equality in sexual relations governed by safety and consent. Most importantly, the idea is to encourage people to explore their pleasures and needs so that we can reclaim our natural instincts.
Perhaps it's time to view toys as genuinely awe-inspiring, not toys of the "lonely and desperate". See sex toys as the basil to your regular salad! Let's be real, as Norman Lindsay once said, "Sex is not only the basis of life, it is the reason for life." – so why not enjoy it?
Written by Nidhi Gopalan. Nidhi studied Acting at NYU and is currently finishing her degree in Social Work in Bangalore. Nidhi loves cooking, meeting new people and changing her hair colour once in a while. She writes awesome blogs and makes sure the Lovetreats team gets enough vitamins and antioxidants.
]]>Self-love and sex toys have always been part of everyday life. Anyone who claims that using sex toys and or simply enjoying a little self-pleasure is the result of deteriorating social values is just plain wrong. Here’s a short version of the history of sex toys.
This officially counts as a pre-historic era, but sex toys were a thing back then. Pre-historic sex toys were made of dried materials or carved from stone. These sex toys may not be the best to look at, but couples and individuals discovered new peaks of pleasure even before “morality” existed.
The Kama Sutra suggests a penis piercing made of gold or ivory, or even wood, to enhance the length of the penis for female pleasure. The Kama Sutra was a guide to the art of living well, the nature of love, finding a partner, maintaining one's love life, and other pleasure-oriented aspects of life. It covered sexual positions for enhanced pleasure during sex. Still, it was meant to be a manual on living well and enjoying life.
Ben Wa balls, also known as orgasm balls, Venus balls or Geisha balls, are helpful exercise tools used to explore an individual's sensual side. Originally devised in Japan for women, Ben Wa balls were meant to provide men with additional pleasure during intercourse. But it didn't take women too long to start using Ben Wa balls for themselves so they could enjoy a little self-fulfilment. Kegel exercisers are modern day Ben Wa balls.
The Chinese invented the cock ring to copulate for longer. A cock ring or pleasure ring is worn around the base of the penis. The primary purpose of wearing a cock ring is to restrict the flow of blood from the erect penis to produce a stronger erection or to longer maintain an erection.
Based on the sexist notion that women suffer from "hysteria", doctors invented the first steam-powered vibrator to cure women of hysteria. The treatment involved a pelvic massage to bring the patient to a "hysteric paroxysm", relieving the patient of troublesome tension. Today, we have it much easier (plus, vibrators have become much more stylish and handy!).
A woman’s pleasure always came before what was traditionally considered a woman’s work. Blender manufacturer Hamilton made the first electric vibrator. Note: This was before even the electric iron, vacuum cleaner or many other essential home appliances were invented.
J.H. Travel filed the first patent for a cordless vibrator. Check out the marvel of their engineering from the patent.
Hitachi introduced its famous magic wand. The wand was meant to be a full-body massage unit, but women quickly developed other views on its best use. This device took the market by storm, and it was not long before vibrators started to appear in porn films. Did you know that the magic wand is still one of the most popular vibrators today?
Since then, things have continued to evolve. Today, we even have remote controlled sex toys for couples that pleasure both partner simultaneously!
So ladies and gentlemen, sex toys are as old as humanity. Over the years, these miraculous devices have improved upon to ensure that we’re the masters of our pleasures.
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Let's start with the basics. What is foreplay? The Wikipedia definition of foreplay says, "In human sexual behaviour, foreplay is a set of emotionally and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity. Both sexual partners may indicate sexual interest in initiating foreplay, and the initiator may not be the active partner during the sexual activity. Foreplay stimulates both partners' sexuality, lowers inhibitions and increases emotional intimacy, and implies a certain level of confidence and trust between the partners."
With that, you now understand why sex without foreplay sucks and why you need to change that about your sex life as fast as possible. So let's begin.
Let’s admit to one truth at least: Sex is most fulfilling when all parties involved are actually and wholly engaged in the act. The time taken for all parties to get fully involved can vary. Foreplay, as you can see from the definition, helps partners synch up with each other until they’re both at a place where orgasms are locked and loaded, ready to go.
Without foreplay, sex sucks.
Mutual arousal and foreplay are deeply interconnected. Without the proper arousal, sex can hurt you physically and emotionally. It can be particularly hurtful for women. Guys, if you don’t believe us, why don’t you cook your women some nice dinner, pour them a glass of wine, and bloody hell ask them?
Foreplay fosters intimacy.
Unless banging yourself against an inanimate object is your thing (no judgements, we swear), and you want to feel like you are having sex with a natural person, with feelings and emotions, you have to open yourself up to that person. Foreplay lowers inhibitions and makes all parties involved more expressive of their desires.
Foreplay helps to establish boundaries and consent(s).
Yes, consents is in the plural. If someone’s having sex with you, they haven’t given you full permission to do whatever you want to do to their body (unless they explicitly say that). Every moment is a negotiation. As Michael Bolton sang, “Can I touch you… there?” Foreplay is like banging out the first round of negotiations (even more if you like dirty talk).
Foreplay is just MORE sex.
Write this down: Penetration is not sex. When two people want to have sex, everything they do to each other to make that person feel aroused or ecstatic is sex. Foreplay can sometimes even begin with cooking dinner and tingling the right tastebuds to start a night of a LOT MORE sex.
If you’re still unconvinced about the benefits of foreplay, maybe you should wait before you have sex again. Here’s our last and the most radical argument: Both sex and violence involve two people being in intense physical contact with each other. The line that separates sex from violence in that most basic definition is made of: consent, mutual trust, emotional and physical pleasure, and confidence. So the next time you and your partner want to get hot and heavy, try a little foreplay first. If the regular foreplay acts don’t work for you, do some research and try other safe, sane and sexy things. But never forget: No play without foreplay.
Also read: Spicing up foreplay
]]>Be spontaneous
Quickies hinge on spontaneity. Do you find yourself in a situation where you want to have sex with your partner but haven’t got too much time? Or want to try a shorter session? Be quick to decide whether or not you wish to see it through. The more time you lose in making the decision, the less time you have for some action!
Make sure they are in
While you might find the moment perfect for sex, it might not be the same for your partner. Find out if your partner is in the same mood. You can try sensual strokes, kisses and whispers to check their response. If they don’t seem positive, they are probably not in. Don’t be disappointed. There will always be another time!
Indulge in short foreplay
Once you know your partner is in, make sure you spend some time in quick foreplay. Foreplay – short or long, sets the right mood for sex! It might end up being no fun at all if you and your partner aren’t ready for sex.
Be creative
Surprise your partner by trying new positions or ways to make love. You can try quickies at different locations too. Try going oral! Or send a sexy message before you meet them. You can jump in the shower with them when they don’t expect it or in the kitchen while making dinner. You can also try keeping your clothes on and turning up the heat. Unexpected quickies can be exciting and spice up your sex life!
Plan too much
Don’t spend an afternoon planning a quickie! Follow your instincts and be spontaneous. Just go with the flow …
Cause hurt or pain
Women need a bit more time than men to get aroused and wet. Vaginal intercourse, when not entirely aroused, can be painful for women. Make sure that she’s ready and wet before you enter. Feel free to use lubes to ease the process.
Forget safety
Condoms and other contraceptives prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancy. It’s likely that in the heat of the moment, you forget to slip on that condom. Or you might find it unsexy to interrupt what you’re doing to think about safety and contraception. Always remember better safe than sorry.
Forget to clean up
Depending on where you are, you might want to clean up after a quickie if you have an appointment or guests visiting.
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Indraja recommends using the Angelo to pleasure your clitoris and even more. If you watch the video, we promise there's a 10% off discount code for you!
Other posts from our blog that you must check out:
]]>Indraja recommends using the Slim G toy to reach more pleasure. Psst... Hidden discount code in the video!
Recommended Reads:
5 Surprising Facts About Women & Sex
]]>One of the most important parts of going down on a woman is knowing when to stop. Don't just slobber between her legs and drench it in your saliva. Find the right amount of wet. Here's a set of tips to keep in mind.
Check in on her each time you make a move, don't just blindly keep licking and wetting her down there just because you enjoy it. Ask, or at a minimum, pay attention to her body language, breathing, moaning, and so on.
Having a conversation with her before and after the first few times you go down on her is a good idea. Discuss and know what she likes and what she does not. Follow her directions.Combine your oral sex moves with a sex toy such as a vibrator. Check with your partner if she’d want to use a sex toy at all. Only when you know that sex toys have the green light, consult online and offline resources before purchasing.
Psst... Here are our top 4 products to spice up your oral play.
Just as you would want to breathe, think of the vagina also requiring breathing space, so give it a rest time, and again, don’t replenish your thirst in one go.
Use your teeth gently and your tongue in moderation. Make more use of the lips. Establish a pressure communication language where she can signal you using your hair and fingers. Use your finger(s) to stimulate her G-spot.
Here are some other excellent articles from our blog on oral sex:
1. What do women really think about oral sex
2. Oral sex: Do men or women enjoy it more?
3. Top 8 products to spice up oral play
4. Oral sex tips to make her go wild
We'll share with you some tips on how to create fulfilling orgasms using a vibrating dildo. You can always experiment beyond these, but here are the basics.
Ensure that you have privacy and time. Find a comfortable space free of people, technology, or anything that may interrupt you. Indulge in the little things that generally get you “in the mood”; music, dim lights, porn, chocolate – whatever you need to begin feeling aroused. Space might be an issue in using a vibrating dildo in India, so save your solo session for the night or when no one is at home! And keep that lube handy, ladies!
Before using the vibrating dildo, think of other ways of getting aroused. Warm up your erogenous zones with your fingers. Not only will this smooth your transition to the more intense buzzing of a vibrator, but it will also re-familiarize you with your personal anatomy. Pinpoint your clitoris, map out your vulval lips, explore your vagina – re-discover whatever feels good.
Before contacting your sensitive areas with your toy, run your vibrator through its paces. Vibrators come with multiple speeds/settings. You need to explore each level for a few seconds, familiarizing yourself with the different feels and sounds they each inspire, perhaps allowing the vibrator to buzz against your hand as a first step.
On the lowest speed, move the vibrator slowly to the more responsive anatomical ground, whether your inner thighs or your vaginal lips. Get comfortable with this feeling before gently guiding the toy to explore different areas. Once you're comfortable, move on to your erogenous zones.
Follow these instructions and let us know how you feel by the end of your "me time". If you discover some new quick things to try with a vibrator, write to us!
]]>We realise oral sex (or even sex, for that matter) is such an intimate and subjective experience that it is hard to blanket every woman's opinion under one general statement. So we decided to throw out a few questions into the ether, and we were pleasantly surprised by the over 100 answers we received from Indian women. Here's what we learned from your responses!
"I love it when a guy goes down on me as long as he knows what he's doing. When that's the case, I can get really intense orgasms from it."
“When it comes to receiving, if you see he's enjoying giving you pleasure you can relax and enjoy it much more.”
"I love giving oral sex as I am very into giving my partner pleasure.”
1. DO familiarise yourself with female anatomy if you want to give great oral sex to a woman. "Guys need to study up! The clit is not a popsicle or a lollipop. It requires close attention, not slobber!" (- Mehek)
2. DON'T keep pushing a woman's head down when she is giving you oral sex. Real-life sex is NOT like porn. "My worst experience was when my gag reflex kicked in, and I puked strawberry milkshake all over my ex-boyfriend's crotch. He kept shoving my head..." ( - Priya). "My worst experience was when someone forcefully pushed my head and made me gag." ( - Ela)
3. DO reciprocate oral sex. "Give head to get head." ( - Priya)
4. DO make your partner feel relaxed and comfortable when you pleasure her. Give head like you mean it. "I feel more comfortable and enjoy receiving oral sex more when I feel that my partner is also enjoying it." ( - Karishma)
5. DON'T feel entitled to a blowjob. Talk to your partner about what you like and what your sexual desires are, and don't push her to do anything she is uncomfortable with. "I hate it when they just want to use you as a machine." ( - Sonal)
6. DO get creative. Try different positions and use warming intimate oils, flavoured lubes or accessories like blindfolds or handcuffs to spice things up. "My best ever experience was when my boyfriend poured chocolate syrup all over me and licked it off". ( - Karishma). "My favourite position for oral sex is 69. It just adds extra excitement to it!" ( - Ela). Accessories like blindfolds or handcuffs can add extra excitement to oral play.
]]>With the women's sexual well-being brand Smile Makers, Brazilian photographer Marcos Alberti presented a fresh take on female sexuality.
Alberti captured the facial expressions of more than 20 women before, during, and after their sexual journey. They all had sex toys for the ride. The four photos unveil the slow or, in some cases, rapid progression of each woman's expression as she reaches and comes down from orgasm. The headshots are fun and sexy but tasteful, keeping everything below the waist hidden from view – even from the photographer.
The women span all ethnicities and nationalities, from the US and France to more conservative communities like China and Singapore.
The underlying message: all women deserve to be in control of their sexuality, no matter their background. Women should be free to be empowered by - and have a little fun with - their sexuality.
Here are some of our favourite images:
Fan Yang, Global Brand Manager of Smile Makers, said, “Female sexuality is often shrouded in shame and secrecy. Our partnership with Marcos allowed us to create this series to upend that social stigma around female sexuality and encourage the normalization of female pleasure. All the women who modelled were in awe of their photos, especially the final shot where they were glowing and radiant,” Yang continues. “That final shot of a strong female grinning into the camera is exactly what we want people to see. We hope that after viewing this project, people will feel more confident about their bodies and sexuality. All it takes is one smile at a time.”
Others have taken up this theme in other projects. And be sure to see Indian artist Sakshi Jalan’s's works on female orgasm - awesome work! A nice vid interviewing the photog and with background on the project.
Are you looking to buy sex toys in India? Check out our curated range of imported sex toys for women and order them from the privacy of your home. Here at Lovetreats our packaging and billing is 100% discreet to ensure your privacy!
]]>Women, if your man doesn’t get how the above information doesn’t change his life, we’ve compiled a list of awesome videos where women explain the almighty clitoris, how to find the clitoris, its anatomy, how to stimulate it and how to make its magic work in your favour.
Men, respect this information that you’ve just been given. Now, let’s change your life by educating you on the magical awesomeness of the clitoris.
So ladies and gentlemen, here’s wishing you a very happy and anatomically-initiated love life!
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Sometimes, we fall into a rut when it with to our sex and love lives. The key to keeping the fire alive is to keep trying new things, use the ones that work for both of you and discard the ones that don’t. Soon you’ll learn that there are many things that “work” in the sense that they make your love life a lot more exciting; they make sexy times more the right kind of messy.
The beauty of sex is that you can have it all the time, and people around you won’t even know, especially in this hyperconnected day and age. Here’s something simple you can do to keep your relationship tingles alive: send your partner dirty texts or sexy thoughts that you have throughout the day. Don’t limit your sex to when you’re physically having sex.
We’ve compiled a series of “sexy thoughts” in these #NaughtyNotes for you to get started immediately. Send them to your lovers to start a fire.
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Our partners may be great at knowing how we like to make our favourite lunch sandwich but might be entirely in the dark about what we want in bed. These essential conversations often go overlooked or are actively avoided because of feelings of embarrassment and awkwardness.
You are not to blame for this - our society has made it difficult to think of sex as a healthy, regular part of everyday life. Bodies have been objectified or portrayed as unclean in Indian culture. It is common that a menstruating woman to be thought of as unclean. And when schools don't offer sex education (and they should!), sex remains a sensitive topic whether you are a man or a woman. Our sensitivity, in turn, can make it difficult for us to accept or give feedback about our sex lives. Healthy conversations about sex are crucial for a healthy relationship. If you don't tell your partner that what they are doing to please you is not working, they will continue to work the same way. Expecting a partner just to know usually doesn't work; one has to speak up.
Until I met my current partner, I found it extremely difficult to discuss how I wanted to be satisfied in the bedroom. Despite having multiple sexual partners, some long term and some only for a night or day, I could not orgasm - which goes to prove that having a lot of sex will not lead to an orgasm automatically. However, figuring out what we want and opening up to our partner about it is definitely worth a try. This is what I did, and the quality of my sex life improved significantly. Sex was better, and I felt better about myself for having expressed my needs openly.
An honest conversation about sexual likes and dislikes can lead to some great sex even if you might initially feel anxiety about discussing them. Firstly, it would improve your relationship. Secondly, it would improve your sex life. And better sex life leads to a positive outlook towards other areas in your life.
According to the book ‘How to Think More About Sex’, our partners should be the people to whom we lay bare our most vulnerable self to, and telling them about our sexual desires is a huge part of it. Fear or rejection, shame and judgment may often stop us from expressing our wants, but in the long term, that can lead to resentment towards the relationship and your partner.
And it follows that iff you’re unable to make your beloved happy, you could begin to have less confidence in your sexual performance, and that is not a good space to be in. Good, happy sex improves emotional connection between people. So a good sex life is an important criterion for the health of a relationship.
Talking about sex comfortably in a relationship is a skill. Basically it gets easier and gets better the more you do it. Here are some tips on how to get the the conversation started.
Plan a time in advance to talk about sex. That way no one feels ambushed or like they have been put on the spot. It also gives everyone a little time to think over what they want to bring up. Conversations about sex can bring up vulnerabilities in people, and with these vulnerabilities come defensiveness. Once the conversation becomes hits on defensiveness, it will not be constructive and can either lead to conflict or make people feel bad. So not springing the conversation on your partner as a surprise is a good first step in ensuring that it will be a constructive conversation. Timing matters. Starting the sex conversation when your partner just walks in the the door, when both or either of you are tired, or before/after sex are surefire ways to make people feel like that have been put on the spot.
Keep the conversation focused and limited to one topic or issue at a time. Talking about sex can bring up complex feelings and trying to cover all the issues/desires/needs in a sexual relationship may lead to overload in the conversation. By focusing one issue per conversation, it becomes easier to work through or explore that one item without making the conversation more complex or awkward than it needs to be.
Discuss what's working and what isn't quite where it should be. Frame it as things that could be made better rather than things that don't work or fail. Phrasing it like "XYZ would be even better if you/we ..." or "I would love if if you/we would ..." Softening some statements makes it easier to keep the conversation in a constructive space. These conversations tend to fall apart if anyone starts to feel defensive.
Tell your partner about what you would like. Providing guidance on how things work for you makes it easier for everybody to focus on what works.
Be open to each other's ideas. Some of your partner's needs may surprise you or might seem a little more different than you expected. That's OK, just explore as long as you are comfortable with what is going on. If you find that some of it is simply too much for you, just say so in a way that won't make your partner feel ashamed or bad. Something like "I know that you like XYZ but I just cant get into that headspace. I want you to be fulfilled so is there something else we can try instead of XYZ?"
Ask lots of questions when you have that conversation about sex. Asking questions helps make the conversation more comfortable and "normal" for everyone, and clearly signals that you want to know what your partner needs. This should in turn make it easier for your partner to start asking more about your needs. At a most basic level, questions are great ice breakers to get the conversation started.
Be clear and honest. They cant know if you don't tell them.
On top of these conversation approaches, a few things you could try is try and understand each other’s anatomy and how different a man and a woman are, if you’re in a heterosexual relationship. Understanding each other’s erogenous zones and points is another way to teach oneself in the art of making love. If one was to think of sex like a skill at which you can get better by practicing it and being open to feedback the sex talk wouldn’t seem as frightful. After all the best part of sex is in being able to make another human feel as much pleasure as they make you feel.
But talking about sex isn't only about talking about pleasure points or techniques. It can be helpful to talk about how much sex you want to have. As well, having conversations about unknowns in sex is also important. That means more that exploring each others needs, but also exploring totally new areas together. And finally, discussing conversing about the type of "sex moods" is just as important as techniques and want/needs. Does one partner prefer the mood to be funny or lusty while the other prefers tender and spiritual? Does one partner want it primal while the other enjoys fantasy? Having a conversation about the tone and how to get specific moods for sex is also important. Think of this as more advanced areas to cover once basic needs have talked about and/or worked out.
Written by Asmita Sarkar
]]>There is nothing gross, unnatural or unhygienic about period sex. While some women don't feel like having sex during their period, for others, sexual activity can be even more pleasurable than at other times of the month. Both are totally normal and okay! Just because you're having your period doesn't mean you have to forego sex.
Many women experience increased congestion in the pelvic area, which can ramp up their sex drive. You may feel more sexually aroused and sensitive during this time of the month because of the changes in your hormone levels. But for some women, this extra sensitivity may make it uncomfortable to have sex during this time. The bottom line is to ensure that you and your partner are comfortable with the situation. For those who do want to give it a try, here are some period sex tips.
1. Engage in extra slow foreplay
Foreplay can be even hotter during this time of the month. When you have your period, your hormones are in overdrive, which means you might find it even easier to orgasm from touch or penetration. Try giving each other an erotic massage to slow things down and build tension before intercourse. A vibrator can provide extra clitoral stimulation. Did we mention that orgasms emit biochemicals that can help ease cramps?
2. Keep some towels handy
You don't want your menstrual fluid to soak into your sheets and mattress, so while you're having sex, place some towels beneath you and keep some tissues by your side.
3. Stick to the missionary position
Lie on your back to lessen the blood flow while having intercourse. Or don't. The whole point is that period sex is not that big a deal. It's just juicy, that's all. Also, be careful about deep penetration because your cervix may be lower and more sensitive during your period. If anything starts to hurt, tell your partner and proceed with care.
4. Have sex in the shower.
Not only is this less messy, it's a change of pace, too. When you're under the flow of the water, that other flow becomes a lot less of an issue. Use a silicone lube for extra lubrication.
5. Use contraception
When you're on your period, you're at higher risk for STDs and pelvic infections. What's more, you still can get pregnant. So if you thought this was your ticket to ride, sorry - you still have to stay safe. We recommend using condoms, as they protect you from both unwanted pregnancy and most STDs.
6. Talk it over beforehand
Even though it is perfectly hygienic and safe, not everybody feels confident about period sex. So it might be best not to surprise your partner with period sex in order to avoid a potentially frustrating response. Talk it over and find out what your partner thinks about it before you get started. He or she probably has an opinion!
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1. Porn is Meant for Deviants
Absolutely NOT! Many 'normal' people enjoy porn. Did you know that Pornhub, at its peak, accounted for a third of the world's internet traffic on its own? Also, let's not forget that masturbation is one of the safest ways to enjoy sex! Watching porn is not inherently dangerous as long as you can distinguish between sex in a staged scene and sex IRL. Let's also not forget that there are realms beyond mainstream porn. If you have never related to the fantasies and unrealistic plasticity of mainstream porn, many feminist porn directors are attempting to challenge the dominant porn narrative. Much like any other medium, there's much variety in porn. By the way, it's also a myth that only men enjoy porn!
2. The World is Teeming with Massive Sexual Organs
As you might have noticed, most pornstars have big breasts and big penises, and sometimes both! However, most people in the porn industry get these done with cosmetic surgery. Also, keep in mind that the average penis is around 5.5 inches long, so don't fret. Allowing porn to set your expectations high is akin to allowing an Aaron Sorkin movie to set your expectations high about general human intelligence.
3. Everyone Loves Porn Fantasies
Porn can be full of unrealistic dirty talk, men calling women horrible names and women responding gratefully to verbal abuse. Also, porn plays out many fantasies, but not everyone in real life enjoys being handcuffed to the bed or spanked. If you are thinking of re-enacting porn scenes in real life, be sure your partner likes it too.
4. Real Life Orgasms are Like Porn Orgasms
Porn can be full of over-the-top (verging on ludicrous) acting. All too often, a super attractive female actress instantly achieves a mid-blowing orgasm because a male porn actor squeezes her breast. Or female porn actress screams at the top of her lungs as she orgasms to prove how outstanding and powerful said porn actor's "technique" is. Fact is that none of these representations really happen IRL. Not every woman screams, "OH GOD, OH, YOU'RE SO GOOD!" every time she cums. Porn inherently tries to deliver a "feel-good experience" for male viewers and definitely will take an "artistic license" to achieve that goal!
Written by Rheea
]]>Very often, men have some somewhat misguided views regarding the business of pleasuring a woman. Let's just say not all you see in porn is true!
1. Her Sex Drive Can Match Or Exceed Yours
We all know the 'headache' excuse. Don't let it trick you into thinking that women have less of a sex drive when compared to men. Some women deal with stress and winding down through other activities, while men might be happy to let go of a long day with a good romp in the sack. If you're in the mood for some nookie, take it slow, whisper some sweet nothings in her ears and give her a massage. Also, talk to her about times in the day she feels randy. You'll be surprised at how much you might need to keep up once you figure out how to sync your schedules.
2. Sex Doesn't Stimulate Her Most Important Pleasure Spot
The clitoris and the entrance to the vagina have many nerve endings compared to those deeper inside the vagina so use this knowledge to your advantage. The point is to give her pleasure, so stick to the pleasure zones: the outside entrance to the vagina, the G-Spot, which is located 2 to 3 inches inside the vagina on the front wall and, of course, the clitoris which is THE most important pleasure spot for most women. Intercourse is great, but a woman's most sensitive nerves are bundled in the clitoris, and sadly, it usually doesn't get stimulated by vaginal sex. So make sure you dedicate some time to her clitoris with your mouth or your fingers and some lube. Use sex toys like a small vibrator on the areas around her clitoris to stimulate and get her on the edge of the bed in anticipation.
3. She Doesn't Want Sex To Last Forever
Don't believe the noise: Being wise is knowing when to sit back and relax and enjoy the fruits of your labour. Don't blow your rep by trying to prove yourself. You can take it slow, but you don't have to make an entire night out of it. Women want lovers, not machines. And, as mentioned above, there are more effective ways of stimulating her major erogenous zones than intercourse!
4. Morning Sex Can Excite Her As Much As It Does You
Morning wood can be accounted for one of the top five reasons women have been rudely awoken in the morning for centuries. Often it is safely ignored by the not-so-keen woman by pretending to be asleep. If you want to try a different approach, nudge her awake, give her a wink to communicate your desire to please her, and then softly kiss her erogenous zones like her neck. Carefully read her body language to see if she is in the mood for more. Take a little time, and the morning laziness will vanish if you're lucky. If your lady is not a morning person at all, try making her breakfast in bed and then slowly set the mood for more, e.g. by giving her a sensual massage.
5. She’s Secretly Delighted by Your ‘Orgasm Face’
You guys might have a private joke about your orgasm face (or grunt), and she might even giggle. But rest assured, watching you come makes her just as happy and satisfied as you get when you pleasure your girl. Sometimes, she won’t care if she climaxes during sex; good sex can also mean watching her partner get all the pleasure. Don’t take that as a free ticket to cutting quality foreplay time with your partner!
Written by Sushmita
]]>Popular culture dictates that sex is best had when you're young. It's an unwritten, almost propagandist rule that young relationships and sex among the virile sell and inspire. Think about it, how many sex scenes have you seen that involve two middle-aged actors? We couldn't even find sexy stock photos of a middle-aged woman for this blog (apologies!).
These ideals leave the young perplexed when their relationships don't resemble those on T.V. I mean, don't you remember your first few sexual encounters? Weren't they a little awkward? They most likely were! Because you just hadn't learnt the ropes yet. Many studies reveal that sex improves as you age, and we've got all the proof you need.
You Get More Confident
On just a general behavioural front, people become more confident as they get older. Our insecurities about our bodies tend to diminish, which helps lessen performance anxiety. Truth be told, sex in our 20s is primarily about experimentation, trying new things and getting to know what you like and don't like. However, in your 30s, a bit of Zen kicks in.
Women's Chances Of Climaxing increases
As your age increases, so does your enjoyment of sex. In fact, an OkCupid study conducted in 2011 even found that women in their early 20s had about a 40 per cent chance of having difficulty reaching an orgasm, while that percentage dropped to around 20 per cent for women in their 40s.
Sex Can Get Wild
As we'd already mentioned, your confidence only increases as you get older. So, the odds of trying new things in bed also increase. New positions and new ways of roleplaying come to mind.
Your Awareness Increases
By the time you’ve hit your 30s, you’re well aware of your body, what it can take and what you like the best. Awareness directly relates to the way you enjoy sex, so sex only gets better as you get older! So as the candles increase on that delicious birthday cake, enjoy every year as it comes and embrace who you are, what you like, and how you do it! The experimentation in your 20s provides a perfect research field for what works for you and what doesn’t.
]]>Faking orgasms is the white lie of sex. I don’t understand why this is still a thing, in any case. If you are single and ready to mingle, isn’t a brilliant orgasm (or two or three *wink*) the entire point of the mingling?
It’s all about setting ground rules and breaking a few, per MUTUAL understanding. The entire concept of faking stems from your insecurities; What if he doesn’t call me back? What if he thinks this is hard work? What if I’m the problem?
Really? If one of your fingers can bring you to a quivering climax, I hardly think a fully functional human being won’t be enough.
Singles know the dreaded platitude, ‘Don’t worry; there are more fish in the sea’. Seriously, do you want the title of your life to read – Finding Nemo? I guess not. So I get it; finding your Nemo and keeping him is a complex and far-fetched Pixar fantasy.
But when you find him, wouldn’t you rather be honest and open about what you want? As it may hurt your man’s ego, that is a risk you should be willing to take and an effort he should be ready to make. Of course, most fake orgasms result from just getting done with lousy sex.
Since women understand how easy it is to hurt a male ego, they let you down easily by just faking it. If you see it that way, it’s kind of sweet and understandable. They make your journey quick and easy. While it seems a good idea in the short run, please stop reaffirming that your partner is doing something right (when they clearly aren’t). So all your single ladies, keep swimming (and stop faking)!
Being in a relationship and lying about an orgasm is the worst. Is there ever a right time to bring this up? Or are you stuck in a dreary loop? The best way to deal with this is to act now. Discuss how you want to try new things and bring in change. That is the best way to go about it.
To conclude, the best way to deal with faking an orgasm is to not. #StopFakingIt #Really #StopIt
Written by Moumita
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I recently indulged in the unfortunate pastime of watching a group of men perpetuate ignorance, casual patriarchy and generally making asses of themselves in a Facebook post. The author had put up an article about the myth of the female orgasm, how she had personally faked it on most occasions and how porn influences men's notions of sex, so much so that any hope of a man pleasuring a woman is already irretrievably lost. The article came from personal experience, but it's an all too familiar story. If we were to draw up stats, I'm pretty sure you'd find this nearly universal and verifiable as gravity. To the men who read the post, this was a scathing indictment that they chose to respond to with indifference, anger and a smattering of a few token sexist remarks.
"You haven't had sex with the right guy ;)".
"LOL. You're a feminist, no wonder."
This spectacular line of defence continued for a while, with no one acknowledging the irrefutable points made in the article. Misogyny online has become somewhat pedestrian, almost routine, expected. What actually shocked me was how men genuinely felt that they give women orgasms. Which made me wonder, should we be faking our orgasms? Isn't it ultimately detrimental? Won't the act of not pretending it help us take our orgasms back?
There are myriad reasons women fake their orgasms, most of which come from the vagaries of life, and men seldom accommodate these simple vagaries. Fatigue and just not feeling in the mood - these reasons are unacceptable in patriarchal chambers. Then there come more complex reasons; not wanting to upset your partner, or just the fact that most women don't experience orgasms through vaginal intercourse, and the fact that men don't get what it takes to gratify a woman.
The reasons can be numerous, individual and specific, and it would take another post to explore the issue's gamut. Ultimately, it's not as though faking it is a dire sin, but the tendency to normalize faking is excessive. It's one thing to drop a white lie now and then. Still, it is an entirely different metier to be a pathological liar who believes their compulsion is ultimately a service to humanity.
So what are the alternatives? Well, have honest conversations with your partner. Talk about what you like, what you don't, what works for you, and how they may get some things terribly wrong. When you're not in the mood, just say so; there are better ways than bad sex to kill time, after all.
The sooner we start having these conversations about sex and what sex means for us, the sooner men are probably going to stop using PornHub as a tutorial page (which is a horrible idea, by the way, since most porno movies give the impression that women climax from simply having their nipples or clit touched for a second).
So do your partner (and yourself) a huge favour, and talk about what you like and what turns you on. Or, if you don't want to talk about it, guide them by taking their hand and showing them how it's done. It'll be worth it! And by the way, there's nothing wrong with helping your partner out a little by introducing them to your favourite sex toy and showing them how to work it ...
]]>Treading the grey – Consensual non-consent
I have been repeatedly asked what consent really is. Whose consent matters? What happens when consent is violated? Why would one violate another's consent? What should one do to ensure consent is not violated? These questions fall into a grey area. VERY grey!
Consent should be explicitly given and received without the influence of substances, with full awareness of as many consequences as possible and only from people of legal age and a sane mind. Consent is not to be trivialised because consent defines trust, your experience, and your journey.
What exactly is consent?
Consent is a clear expression of a willingness to participate in certain acts with a certain partner/s. Giving consent is equally valid for both Dominants and submissives in the BDSM context. When someone says, ‘I don’t know, and I’m confused’, it’s not consent. When they say ‘maybe’, it’s an invitation to discuss and explore, but it’s not consent. Similarly, if anyone says ‘NO’ in any form, with or without a smile, please do not assume it is consent. ASK. Agreement given under the influence of alcohol or any other substance is not consent. Consent given by an underage person is not consent. Consent to permanently harm someone is violence, plain and simple.
Levels on which consent works:
Consent works on several levels. There are relationships and dynamics where permission is given only for specific activities. For instance, I may consent to the use of a vibrator but not a dildo.
There are also cases where consent is given in advance for a specific session/activity/time under pre-negotiated limits. This means if someone states that they consent to be tied up, it could be with a rope, tape, or even a wire. However, if they are allergic to jute, and this has been explicitly stated, using jute ropes violates consent.
Nuances to consent can be tricky. For instance, the use of jute rope may not get a person into legal trouble. However, sex without consent is a criminal act (non-consensual sex is called rape, you see).
Similarly, some people share an interpersonal dynamic where blanket consent works. Consent for an activity is valid for every session they have together unless explicitly denied.
And then there’s the consensual non-consent. Consensual non-consent is like a person saying to the other – ‘I WANT you to ignore my resistance and continue doing what you’re doing’. Now, this is potentially dangerous. What if the person saying no genuinely wants to stop? How does one know? Therefore, it is best to indulge in consensual–non-consent only with people one truly trusts. Like only if you know a person extremely well and trust them with your life. And be sure to set limits and agree on safe words.
How to ensure consent is respected
I think there’s so much more that people should know when it comes to safety. Keep an eye on this column for more insights. Till then, stay well and play safe!
]]>Fantasizing about a one-night stand? With online dating apps the norm, it's easier than ever to make it a reality. Here's how to make casual sex memorable.
Go home with someone you’re not desperate to see again but wouldn’t be horrified to run into another day. (The world is tiny. Eventually, you will run into most of your former sex partners.)
Don’t make a porno.
You know how the typical porn goes: vague groping, blowjob, penetration, 2-3 sex positions, money shot, done. Remember, you’re not collecting a paycheck at the end of this, so you don’t have to follow the script. Instead…
Do what gets you off.
Don’t feel like penetrative sex? That’s cool. See what your partner can do with their hands. Need a vibrator to get off? Bust it out and hand it to your new friend. Want your partner to talk dirty to you in a bad French accent? You lose nothing by asking. Then, give as good as you get. Remember: you’re both here for sex. Why not have the best sex you can have?
Chill out about your boner (or boner equivalent).
Whiskey dick? Happens. Not as wet as you’d like? Lube exists. The only way your misbehaving genitals will ruin your night is if you let them. Save the existential crisis for something worth stressing about.
Know your acceptable level of risk and what you will do about it.
Don’t become one of the many people Googling, “i had sex with someone and now i have an itch am i going to die?” Read up on the STIs out there, how they’re transmitted, and what you can do to mitigate your risk, and then make informed choices about what you’re comfortable with. You’ll have more fun if you’re not stressing out about the threat of some nebulously dreadful disease.
Be a good host.
Treat your guest like a guest if you end up back at your place. If it gets late, offer them crash space. If you split an Uber across town to get to your place, offer to split the cost of their trip home. If things get sticky (in a fun way), have a clean towel available.
Be a good person in general.
Resist the temptation to prove that you’re not clingy by being rude or dismissive. You don’t have to pour your feelings out to them but behave so that you won’t be mortified when you (inevitably! I Cannot stress this enough!) run into each other again.
This piece was published with permission from Fun Factory. Liked what you read? Check out more interesting blogs here.
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1. Kinky on the Inside
"My best was with a woman I had a short relationship with. We used to have sex all night until the sky was turning that deep blue color, then we'd sleep for a few hours and start again when we woke up. One day I told her about a sex toy I had read about, remote-controlled vibrators, and she was at first in disbelief but was super curious. The next time I went over for drinks with her friends, she passed me a small remote and whispered to me that what it controlled was already inside her. So for the duration of the evening I would occasionally press the button and watch her reaction. When we finally did go to bed she was practically feral; we had really great, aggressive/passionate sex that night, that just left us both insensate; sex the next morning hurt so bad but was still amazing. She was an amazing person and I'll always remember time spent with her." - Male, 34
2. Enthusiasm Goes A Long Way
"Best sex was with a partner who showed a lot of enthusiasm for sex and my pleasure in general. There was no pressure to orgasm (though I always did). We'd fool around off and on for hours. We just enjoyed each other's bodies and got off on each other's pleasure. I miss that kind of sex."- Female, 28
3. Never too Late for Anything
"The best sex I ever had was with my first time I had sex with my now husband. I had been in 3 long term relationships until then and sex was mediocre. I never had much fun and couldn't orgasm very often. I was upset but figured that it was like that with everyone and I just had to suck it up. The first time we had sex was in his living room. After 5 months of dating and teasing. It was slightly desperate and intense. No one had felt so good until then. Not even 5 minutes into slow intense thrusts and I felt my orgasm getting close. In my mind, a bunch of red lights flashed and my mind screamed "HOLY SHIT YOU'RE GOING TO CUM FROM MISSIONARY POSITION!" (which had never happened, I was 27) and sure enough, I came. I was mind blown." - Female, 36
4. Sometimes it's Best to Just Let Go
"I'm usually very self conscious about my appearance and skills, never had negative feedback or anything but always felt that way. Anyways, went home with a newish friend of mine one night who was not my usual type at all, but it made me feel, comfortable. So I just let loose and thought 'fuck it, let's go to town', no worrying about what you look like bent over, no holding back. Best sex ever and the experience dramatically improved things ever since." - Female, 39
5. Best Friend Sex
"Girlfriend (future wife) and I rented a hotel because we were both living at home. That poor bed and chair in the corner never knew what him them. Best sex ever with my best friend." - Male, 31
6. Online Encounters
"Actually a lady from Reddit. We both had posted NSFW pictures and only really knew what each other looked from the shoulders down. We chatted and got along, so we met for ice cream. She was really cute, so I'm glad I took the risk. Couple of dates later and she was basically a perfect match for me sexually. There were no limits between us, each gave and took from the other, never having enough. It was also the first time for me to experiment with sex toys with a partner." - Male, 23
7. Reclamation Sex
"My husband and I are swingers, so the group sex is fun, but the best sex is "reclamation sex". That's when you go home afterwards and have sex and you're still super turned on and want to remind your partner that you're still their number one. There is something primal to it, but it also has a very high level of emotional intimacy too. It's amazing." - Female, 29
8. Romance & Reconnection
"Probably a few months ago while on a "work vacation" with my wife. We both work 50-60 hours a week, and sometimes at night we just want to get to bed. On this vacation, the night before the work expo, we went to a really fancy dinner on the strip, enjoyed a drink or two, gambled a little, and just had a fun night. When we got back to the hotel, one thing lead to another, and then the full moon caught her eyes just right. When I saw that sparkle in her eyes, and the smile she showed, my mind just flash backed our whole life, and instantly I saw my wife as the girl I fell in love with when we were 16 (36 now). The next few minutes were just filled with romance and reconnection." - Male, 36
The success of a book like 50 Shades Of Grey doesn't mean that our culture is suddenly enamoured with bondage. Nor is bondage a product of modernity. In fact, it's a rather old idea, and the primal nature of the act is more or less reflective of its antiquity.
The walls of Pompeii speak of it in a manner that makes it almost seem blasé.
So what is the allure of bondage, and why is it an idea that has endured through the ages? These are complex questions which we can perhaps even analyse from an evolutionary level. But the simple, observable facts are the following - being physically restrained causes a huge adrenaline rush, being reprimanded or punished in a controlled setting can be rather thrilling - something that may appease some subconscious Freudian urge, and being blindfolded intensifies other senses.
Acting out our fantasies in a safe, comfortable environment with a person we can trust is probably the most constructive way to celebrate them. So if you're looking to getting into bondage, here are some tips you ought to keep in mind.
First off, bondage with near strangers can be a pretty dicey affair. So make sure you're doing this with a partner you trust and feel comfortable with. Drop hints here and there to gauge if they are into it. "Maybe we could try a blindfold?". It's a pretty simple way to get a sense of a person's enthusiasm, and if it feels right, open it up for further conversation, and you're on your way.
Bondage can be a great way to spice up your sex life, but there is a fine line between being dominated and being abused and humiliated. Before you engage in any bondage, always, always (we can't stress this enough) agree on a safe word. A safe word makes it possible for someone to stop play when it becomes too much. When picking a safe word, try not to veer towards anything that you scream out too often while having sex. Think of something arbitrary, like 'Giraffe' or something. Now, if you're into gagging, make sure that you establish a safe gesture instead.
What are the basics? I guess it's reasonable that people get carried away by starting a new dimension to their sex lives, but try and start simple. In most cases, the simple stuff works out in the long run and gives us our kicks. Blindfolds are a natural sensory wonder; they open up a new sensory field for you! Then there's spanking, which is simple enough and fun for people who like it. Simple things like this will help you understand your penchant for bondage a little better.
(Image Source: Flocku)
How often have you wondered about sex during periods? Did you ever stop yourself, fearing the mess or what your partner might think?
Twenty-seven year-old Rushali P thinks that monthly periods are one of the most pleasurable times to have sex. She also feels that women don’t indulge because their partner might not like it. Instead, she wants men to overcome their fear of a menstruating woman and join her in the bedroom when her libido is running high.
She isn’t the only one to think so. Another twenty-something woman, Mangala, would be okay with period sex if somebody took care of the problem with leakage, and her partner was on board.
“If we’re using stainless sheets or doing it in the washroom I don’t see why not,” she said. “I masturbate even during periods,” she added.
But people like Rushali and M are far and few between. Most cases are like Neha S who says her boyfriend is okay with it, but she feels weird about it.
“I find it messy. Extremely! Blood and smell. Both are going to turn me off! Never!” she said.
Majority of the women I spoke to think like Neha. To them, I’d say, don’t write it off because it is a moment when sex is most pleasurable, and your libido is right up there.
Maybe, what irks us about having sex when menstruating is how society shames this normal bodily function.
Imagine a situation where your partner (male/female) is okay with having sex when you’re bleeding, and you are the only person stopping yourself from trying something different. Would you stop yourself because society told you that being on periods is dirty, or would you venture out and take control of what you want in the bedroom?
Most things in the boudoir should be tried once, after all. You can always stop if you’re experiencing discomfort or pain. Moreover, having sex during periods can be like the first time you did it. A little messy, a little awkward, and you were somewhat sore. Sex or not, periods will make you feel that way. And what better time to do something that would give you pleasure than during those five to seven days of the month when you need an instant lift me-up? The “happy” hormones you release afterwards help alleviate the cramps.
If you and your partner decide to try it, here are some things that will make the period sex pleasant.
Light some scented candles for the smell and natural light or try lighting an aromatic oil like lemongrass. Keep an old towel to spread on the bedsheets and baby wipes for afterward. You can also try this under the shower.
Also, don’t forget the condoms because being on periods isn’t going to prevent pregnancy, nor does it stop the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Alternatively, try out stringless tampons especially designed for sex during your period.
Whatever you choose to do, ensure that you and your partner are 100% on board. So ahead, and have some fun. This is what #realworldsex is all about.
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Is sexting actually something my friends do? I plucked up the courage and asked some friends whether they were experienced sexters. Sure enough, X-rated messaging turned out to be a popular pastime.
One friend, a young author and environmentalist, had used it to cut through the embarrassment of sharing kinky desires. "My ex was especially interested in knowing what I find kinky," he said. "I ended up sharing a few of my preferences and fantasies on chat. Personally, words have a lot of meaning for me. And it's exciting to share something so intimate with a partner. Plus, texting is safe. It's sometimes easier to say how you feel and what you want over a text than in person, especially early on."
Another 26-year-old friend, a guy living in Delhi who works in an MNC, actually seemed to be more into sexting than the real thing. His analysis: “It’s an unorthodox arousal because your partner is not in front of you. The cerebral arousal is better and more exciting than just the physical.”
For many people, the reason they sext is to feel sexy or to flirt more easily, according to a study of US students published in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behaviour and Social Networking. And it can give your sexual confidence a boost.
But most basic reason behind sexting is often instant sexual gratification. When physical sexual contact is not available, say in a long-distance relationship, then sexting becomes the go-to solution for everything from flirtation to masturbation.
So is sexting all just harmless fun? Well, not everyone is up for receiving pornographic one-liners over lunch. And the US study found that guys were more likely to be into it than women. Like all things sexual, both partners have to be equally into it. If you’re unsure whether someone is eager to receive your steamy suggestions, that’s not flirtation; it’s sexual harassment.
The darkest side of sexting is ‘revenge porn’. A relationship turns sour, and one bitter ex (usually the guy) starts sprinkling nude pics of their former sext partner around the web. When graphic images that were supposed to be strictly private end up wafting around social media, it can traumatise them, causing a loss of friends and employment prospects. Sexting is all about trust. And in relationships, trust can be here today, gone tomorrow.
Sexting is nothing to feel guilty about. If you want to send that nude photo or flirtatious message to your sexual partner, go ahead and do it. Revel in your sexuality. But handle with care. A good first rule of sexting: when you send those nude photos, include the erotic parts, but exclude your face and distinguishing marks. Then if the worst comes to the worst and your body ends up as porn-fodder, at least nobody will know it’s you.
Republished with permission from Love Matters India. Read the original article here.
]]>“How can you even imagine being tied up and beaten by someone? You’ve got to be so patriarchal in your mindset!” I smiled as my ‘vanilla’ friend almost accusingly hurled these words towards me in an angry, loud voice.
I am as feminist as they come. I advocate the right to contraceptives, free contraceptives, The right to breastfeed, the right to bleed, the right to not bleed, the right to free sanitary napkins, the right to abortion, the right to sex before marriage, the right to kinky sex, the right to education, the right to conform to norms and the right to defy them! I mean the world we live in, being a feminist isn’t even a choice.
But it is sad that as a feminist, I often have to justify my choices around BDSM. I have to repeatedly explain that the choice to submit is not socially imposed. I am frequently asked how I am different from an abused, battered housewife who submits to her husband or in-laws. Well, my battered, unfortunate sister isn’t beaten out of her desire. She submits not out of choice but instead because she is coerced. Her consent is not valued, and her freedom is not respected.
I am strong and accomplished, and I decide to submit to someone who respects me and doesn’t assume my desires and consent are an umbrella agreement for anything they desire. I submit although I am not expected to. I don’t submit to a random guy or his family that my elders chose. I submit to a partner/s who understands why I choose to submit.
BDSM is very much in sync with feminism. Feminism is about letting/enabling women make their own choices. Feminism isn’t and shouldn’t be about creating a counter-norm. It shouldn’t be about trying to label women; just that instead of being a slut, you end up calling her a prude this time.
IOften we overlook the considerable overlap of the LGBT community and the leather community with BDSM. Conveniently, we ignore the male submissives and the Female Dominants (or Dommes as they are commonly called). BDSM doesn’t just have female submissives and male Dominants.
I guess everyone and everything that encourages a woman to make her choice after understanding both sides of the coin is feministic, pro-feminism and empowering. As long as the consent is well–informed, valid (taken with a sane mind and when of legal age), and non-manipulated or abused, BDSM is a reasonable, personal choice that a man or a woman in this instance may make. With that in mind, I find absolutely no conflict between feminism and BDSM, my friends.
To all the BDSM enthusiasts, to all the feminists and all the sisters in the community,
More power to you!