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Revelations of a marriage counselor

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5 Things You Wouldn’t Guess About Indian Married Couples

We spoke to a seasoned marriage counselor in Bangalore and here are 5 revelations he shared:

  1. “Most of the people who come for advice have been married for less than 5 years.”

If you thought that it is only people who are much married who want to fix their relationships, think again. Dr. Joseph, a marriage counsellor who consults at Talk It Over in Indiranagar, revealed that most of his clients are in their 20s or 30s and have been married only recently. While some people tend to let years pass before they visit a counsellor, Doc says people are catching on quicker when stuff isn't working and are becoming more open about seeking an early intervention.

  1. “Most appointments are made by women and they are not shy when it comes to talking about sex.”

If you go by mainstream expectations you may assume that it is the men who complain about lack of sex, its frequency and physical satisfaction, but that’s not true! Take an instance he shared with us where he asked a couple about their sex life and the man replied with a laconic “it’s OK” but it was the woman who frankly said “it has been a year since we have had any kind of sexual contact”. Dr. Joseph says that while men may be still learning to work through their ego issues, women today are vocal, empowered financially and otherwise, and very eager to seek help for issues in the bedroom. 

  1. “Both men and women are worried about the Ex situation.”

While traditionally in India people were tight lipped about their past loves and ex-flames rarely made an reappearance, today it is not uncommon to receive a casual hi from a former lover on facebook or stay in touch over SMS. And both Indian men and women are worried about the ex-situation and the threat of a long forgotten romance coming back to life.

  1. “It is not like traditional Indian marriages had no problems.”

In his 25 years of practice, Dr. Joseph has met countless couples. Some lived through 40 year long sexless marriages and today too he meets people who lack sexual and emotional intimacy. So what has changed? Well, earlier Indian couples kept quiet about their issues, because they had a child together or for fear of family and society. They wanted it to work at all costs, but today they are not willing to keep these matters under wraps. Educated, progressive couples, in their 20s, 30s and 40s speak frankly about sexual intimacy so they can try and fix issues, else leave. And of course we at Lovetreats are here to take advantage of this greater openness to make relationships deeper and intimacy more fun and pleasurable for all parties concerned. 

  1. “Forget about keeping a secret from your partner for too long.”

Take it from someone who has seen it all: Dr. Joseph says there are no secrets in the modern day Indian marriage. So keep those plans for a wild trip with the boys to Bangkok in cold storage or be prepared to fess up. And that old wives tale about only men having extramarital affairs needs to be banished for good. Ladies, if you receive a late night text from a special someone, chances are your husband will find out about it the next day. So don’t say we didn’t warn you and watch this space for more gyaan straight from the horse’s mouth on everything related to relationships, intimacy, sex and pleasure, desi style.

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