When I tell people I am a BDSM author, a practising lifestyle submissive for over a decade, I often notice a gleam in their eyes. If I add that I am a woman. I am also single, and I live in India and openly talk and try to explore the not-so-conventional desires; I can see their hearts leap to their mouths. I know what a lot of you are already imagining.
You’re thinking of a leather-clad ‘hunterwaali’. You’re thinking of an hour-glass figure with long legs, toned ass, a bust pushing out of the latex jacket and jet-black hair. You’re thinking of a Diva who abuses every man and woman like trash as she swishes a crop or a whip in the air with the flick of her hand.
OR
You’re thinking of a naked, tied, bound, short, petite, young slave. Puffed labia, cuffed ankles, bound hands, a collar and a leash, gagged with a cherry-red ball, perhaps wearing a butt plug as well, and being taken rough or beaten with various implements of torture.
Now let me tell you more about myself. I’m academically well-qualified. I’m a corporate warrior, a responsible person in my filial setting, professionally accomplished, and a next-door person with everyday, pleasant and average looks. I have an allergy to leather and latex and am not a huge fan of nudity since my skin is susceptible and gets rashes easily.
Welcome to reality!
Is it not odd how porn and fantasy drive some of our sexual perceptions the minute we hear specific terms? The minute we hear BDSM, we start thinking of 50 Shades of Grey, which is just fantasy fiction.
Easy it is to presume that I am available, that I am lusty, or an object of lust, and that I am a slut, just because I openly acknowledge that I'm a BDSM practitioner! It is equally easy to presume that BDSM and sexual relationships with BDSM as the underground premise are all violent. That a submissive is a doormat, a dominant abusive, and a bondage enthusiast is just someone who enjoys tying up people and fucking them rough.
It is interesting to see how porn and fantasy fiction affect how we perceive sex and our sexual partners. More so, when reality finally hits us, we are jolted into a rude shock which leads us to become disillusioned. There are a lot of us who can grow up, as they say. Many others cannot close the gap and let fantasy take over or become morose because their reality isn't like their fantasy. A lot of us are content with masturbating ourselves as well.
Like all of us, I was also influenced by erotica and porn. However, that was until I discovered BDSM in real life. Once I started experimenting and practising it, I realized that I didn't have to be the flawless ebony beauty, the young blonde, or the fiery redhead to be a sexually appetizing morsel. My curvy features didn't have to be hourglass, and my eyes and hair didn't have to be a particular type. Believe me or not, the connections I formed once I got rid of the fantasy of sex and sexuality were just great!
All I want to share is that if you want to do stunts like a 10-inch cock, fucking someone ten times a day, either be trained, use external aids, or be prepared to land up in a hospital! :P Let's accept that we need to look beyond the fantasy of porn (BDSM or not) to find real, mind-blowing intimacy truly.
Only when we look beyond fantasy can we genuinely accept real people and their beautiful selves. Only then can we find real connections and mind-blowing intimate moments!
So, play well, and stay safe!
How do I find my sexuality . I don’t think I know what I like or enjoy .