I feel bad for vaginas. Really, I do. Out of all the body parts between the two sexes, women’s vaginas often get completely left out of any healthy conversation about sex and hooking up. Men and women will talk about breasts, penises, legs, abs, big asses, small asses…hell, we’ll even talk about someone’s feet before we talk about vaginas. As a result, I feel like the vagina often becomes a source of insecurity and mystery for both, the women who have them, and the people who enjoy having sex with them.
In fact, I’ve heard so many stories from my girl friends that involve their 'vagina anxiety' stopping them from getting the quality sex or hook-up that they very much deserve, that I realized someone needs to say something.
So I’ve put together a short list of the top causes of 'vagina anxiety', and why you can stop worrying about them:
1. The Color: Vulvas are not always pink. Get over it, people. The color of a person’s vulva is as varied as the color of all the skin tones in the world. If you have darker skin, the color of your vulva, may also be dark. If you have lighter skin, the colors of the outside of your vagina will also reflect that. Unfortunately, between porn and cosmetic techniques like anal bleaching, people have come to assume that all vulvas should look a certain way, and they don’t. They’re as unique as we are!
2. Uneven Lips: The first time I looked at my vagina in a mirror, I was horrified. It looked nothing like the text book images I had seen in health class, and I spent a good part of my adolescence convinced it was abnormal and ugly, and that no one should ever see it. Ever. Then I grew up a bit, had some real conversations with my friends, and did a bit of very risque “Googling.” And I learned some things… Similar to the color, the lips surrounding the vagina (aka labia) will vary in size and texture.
Some people will have symmetrical lips, some will have one that is larger than the other. It’s all normal. There are surgeries you can get to “even out” or reduce the size of the lips, but honestly, those should only be done if the lips cause actual pain during normal every day activities.
3. Sex Sounds: I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: a loud vagina is a happy vagina. Your vagina may make all sorts of sounds when it is turned on, wet, and having a blast. Any “embarrassment” caused by these sounds should be replaced with the satisfaction that you’re having an amazing hook up and that your body is actually enjoying.
4. Lubrication (or Lack of Lubrication): This is a simple one, that women stress too much about.
Too wet: Sometimes we get SUPER turned on to the point that we are so wet, our pleasure and sensations are diminished, as are our partners. If that’s the case, thank the universe that you’re with a partner who turns you on so much, grab a napkin, wipe down, and get going again.
Too dry: Just like a guy sometimes can’t get it up, despite being turned on, our vaginas also sometimes don’t respond to the sexual cues the rest of our body is responding to. If this happens, assure your partner it has nothing to do with them, grab some lube, and get going. No shame.
Side note: If you’re ever with anyone who comments negatively on the color or size or sound of your vagina, please stop having sex with them immediately and never call them again.
Written by Lara Khole. Lara is a strong proponent of sex and body positivism. She writes for Lovetreats during her free time when she's not globetrotting and embarking on new adventures.