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How do I find a kinky partner in India?

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It’s one of the most common questions I receive from my readers and my audience where I’m a speaker. While there’s no black and white answer to this and what works for me may never work for other people; I do understand why most of them ask this question. Most of the people, who ask this question, are either already kinky and are looking for a partner, or people who are curious and looking for like-minded folks to connect with, have discussions and socialize; maybe also find someone to connect with. Hence the question!

Now here’s what I did and what some others I know did. I do not know if this will work for all of you curious souls out there; but I hope it does.

The where

Let’s first look at where you can find a kinky partner. Everywhere. Period. I have found them online, in my poetry group, in music forums, at work, at social networking events, on tinder, and everywhere else that I can think of. There are kink networking websites on the internet. There’s the IRC. There were yahoo groups years ago too. They do have Indian folk on them, men and women both! So Google baba shall help you, I promise.

The how

Once you know where to find like minded people, the next question is how! On kink related websites, it’s easy to connect. People there are in the least curious if not fully experienced.  A good tip is to be polite and pleasant and treat people the same way, as you would do in a party.

Just because we kinksters are open about our identities on such websites, it doesn’t mean we want to fuck all the time. It doesn’t mean women there are sluts, or men abusers. We treat people well and hope to be treated well too. Most of us are nice people; we want to connect with others too. We don’t have fangs and we don’t bite, unless consensually!

The trickier connects are those that are made in the not-so-openly-kinky spaces. So, if you meet people at a networking event and you like someone, how do you ask them if they are interested in kink?

Well, you tell them that you read some popular fiction work on kink. You liked / did not like it; then you reached the kinky section of the blog on www.lovetreats.in and discovered some great articles ☺ Now you’re curious about some stuff this crazy woman, Asmi talks of and would like to know if your date / connect likes something similar.

They may like it or they may not, but I promise you, they will not run away calling you a freak! At best, they will say, hell yeah! At worst, no, thank you!  I promise, they will not frown, judge or be rude, not on your face for sure. I know it can be especially tough for men, thanks to the skewed gender ratio, but do not let that disappoint you.


asmiAsmi Uniqus is an active BDSM practitioner and lifestyle coach based in India. She has been a lifestyle submissive for over 10 years now and is very vocal about her lifestyle choices. She believes in self–empowerment through empowerment of others; has a wide experience of writing both poetry and prose around themes of feminism, LGBT, sexuality and erotica. She has also been very active in several real-world BDSM communities and has close connections with a wide spectrum of other practitioners both in India and globally. The speaker is also the author of a series of simplified guides to various aspects of BDSM, which are undergoing the publishing process. She can be reached on Facebook or via email at: asmi.uniqus@gmail.com

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