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Planning Your First Ever BDSM Session

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So this time, I bring you practical experiences people. No gyaan, no pravachan, but sizzling, sensuous, games of Dominance, Control, Pain and Pleasure for you, my friends! This installment is especially for people who have been watching from the fringes and are curious to experiment. For those of you who want your first taste with your partner and are not sure where to begin or how far to go, let me help you design a basic, simple session. Then you can slowly and gradually increase the intensity of play, change the toys you use, indulge in newer or fewer activities, based on how you feel about it.

Ideally, any session has a few stages - discussion and negotiation, actual session, aftercare and post-session analysis. A recipe for a good session contains the following ingredients:

  • Two or more willing and consensual partners (prefer two initially)
  • Some toys (regarding the toys, they can be purchased or DIY, the preference is yours. I will advise extreme caution on quality and reliability, and will link some toys I have liked in the past.)
  • Some ambience paraphernalia
  • Some excitement
  • Lots of caution
  • Sprinkle a bit of naughtiness
  • Add a very healthy dose of respect and communication

You may want to add some fetish wear or costumes, but they are NOT at all necessary, your skins are great!

Discussion and Negotiation

For the first session, do NOT be in a hurry. Discuss your dislikes and likes a lot. Discuss your dislikes even more than likes, because none of you wants to feel like your boundaries have been breached at any point, or to feel extreme discomfort. This is also the time to ensure that you discuss your safe words, limits, hard limits. For instance, sex talk in Hindi is a total turn off for me but a turn on for a lot of people I know. Unless I tell them it’s a deal breaker, I can’t expect them to know.

I suggest you keep the first session very mild, mostly on the level of sensation rather than hardcore activity. This is also the premise on which I will build your scene in the next section of this article.

Activity

Begin with a satin or a lace blindfold. Gentle caressing of your partner’s body will lead to goose bumps you’ve probably never seen before. Move on to the feather tickler or feather crop. The crop allows you the leeway to be farther than their obvious reach and slowly build their anticipation on. An occasional smack or two of the crop is a good change of pace and sensation. You can then safely move on to a not so heavy leather flogger, especially on the upper back and the butt region. You could combine this with kisses or gentle stimulation of your partner and keep teasing them and then denying them. You could also combine this with vibrators and massagers. There are products available for both genders in the market. You will discover how much fun is it to be able to actually explode in ecstasy after holding off. Whether your session ends with steamy sex or not is something I will let you guys figure out...

Aftercare

  1. Slow and steady. Don’t pull off blindfolds in a jerky manner. Do not speak too loudly, Sometimes, first timers can start weeping or go very quiet. Do not panic! Whisper away to them or hold them gently. As long as they are nodding, whispering, talking, conscious, able to move their body parts without cramping, you are both fine. Ideally, we haven’t included bondage yet, so it should be no problem at all.
  2. Keep a basic first aid kit handy. This should have some sort of salve, aloe gel works well for me personally.You could also choose an ointment or massage oils, though water based ointments DO work better on tantalized skin.
  3. Lots of fluids, water, juices or salt&sweet lime soda should also be good. The idea is to replenish the body which starts feeling dehydrated after an intense experience.
  4. Some cuddle time or a gentle massage can do wonders.
  5. In rare cases and intense experiences, you may want to be available as friends for a day or two.

Analysis after the session

Best time to do it, a day or two later. Immediately after the session or aftercare, is not ideal for analysis. Subs are often in a subdrop. Doms are often on high, emotions, hormones and sensations can be overwhelming, like really.Please be honest about your feelings, share what worked, what didn’t, what you would want to avoid, what you would want to take a notch higher etc.

Do NOT Ignore these:

  • No intoxication of ANY sort whatsoever.
  • Feel FREE TO use your safe word if you need it. This applies to Doms as well as subs because they can both have limits and use safe words. (http://www.asmiuniqus.com/2016/07/reader-questions-limits-in-bdsm.html ). Even if you end up using the safe word seemingly too soon, it’s OK! There’s always a next time and you’d be better safe than sorry.
  • No judgments please. If your partner uses safe words, don’t go around calling them a chicken, or a wimp, or other such stuff. If you cannot respect your partner, why even play with them in the first place?
  • Safe sex is the way to go if you want to include sex.
  • Stay and keep your partner hydrated.
  • Clean the toys well, specially the more intimate ones, after using them.

On a closing note, stay well, play safe and do share with us if you enjoyed trying some of these things. Also do tell us more about your first session, if you plan it differently. Most importantly, have fun!

Written by Asmi Uniqus

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