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First Time Sex - What to Expect

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The first time I undressed in front of a man I was shivering. I was a teenager then and no amount of erotica or friends' stories about their first time was enough to prepare me for what I was about to see.

Mostly, I had imagined a very pleasant and safe feeling, but somehow no matter how much you love your partner the first time will be full of nervous laughter, some staring or in some cases avoiding looking at that low hanging fruit.

I had done a lot of reading online about sex by the time I was 18 since my mother hadn't ever talked to me about sex or safe sex. It prepared me for the soreness and slight plain that would follow penetration. I hadn't been prepared for the blood when my hymen broke or the feeling of  embarrassment for those stained sheets.

However, some friends didn't go through any pain or bleeding. Their hymens could have broken earlier, while cycling, exercising or other strenuous physical activity.

Your prime concern whenever you decide to take the step should be on making sure you're with a partner in whose presence you feel safe and comfortable as well as using protection. If you've ever been told that you wouldn't get pregnant having sex for the first time, correct that person and let them know that you completely could.

First time sex can induce fear or wonder. And I would suggest you aim for the latter. Exploring another person's body, no matter what gender, should be a celebration and joyful.

But some things that one could keep in mind during the first time is that if you're a woman, it is unlikely to orgasm on the first time. For me, it took years and a patient partner to figure how to orgasm. For others, it could come with lot less effort.

Talk to your partner about setting boundaries about what you're comfortable doing the first time you have sex. If it is the guy's first time he could orgasm fast.

“Don’t expect it to be like porn,” said 27-year-old Rahul Narayan. Another guy, Vivek, 28, also said, “Men can orgasm a lot faster and all the expectations that they have had from watching porn, they will find, are completely unlikely to take place. There won’t be loud moaning women and you will mostly be unable to help your partner finish the first time.”

Another man, Biswajeet, 26, added, "Men have certain extreme expectations the first time, but I’d like to tell them that what you expect will not happen.”

As a woman, I’d add, despite sounding repetitive, don’t let peer pressure force you into having sex. It has to be your choice and take place at a time of your own choosing. The regret and the memory of your choice being taken away could haunt one for years, if not give permanent psychological scars.

Whether your first time is when you’re a teenager or way into twenties and on your wedding night there are things you can do to have the most memorable day or night. Let it be an occasion for building trust and further your connection with your partner by making them and yourself feel special.  


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