... or Desperation
When I first started here at Lovetreats, I told all my friends about it. But one conversation about male masturbators with my friend 'Mr. Vibes' stood out. At the end of our heated discussion (his stance being, "I'm not desperate maaan, why would I need a toy maaan, when I got a girl maaaan."), I was intrigued by his opinion and decided it was time that we started this conversation openly here at Better Than Chocolate.
Masturbators. Lubricants. Anal toys. Whips. Handcuffs. Vibrators. For many, these products elicit images of sleazy, pornographic, kinky, desperate sex addict perverts. This negative, warped view comes from some traditional societal values (about marriage and healthy sex life) and the media around us. So traditionalists around us have written off sex toys as the number one accessory for losers.
But what if we looked at sex toys differently? What if, instead of seeing them as scary devices exclusively used by the perverts and porn stars of the world, we see them as an accessory or tools for better sex: sex toys not as a necessity but rather a wonderful addition to boost the main attraction. Let's take it a step further: people who use sex toys are totally on top of their game because they get it and because they have become open to and fully accepting of the anatomical needs.
And many singles and couples would feel better if they started getting it and becoming more open to their body's needs. Imagine the same intercourse routine or style of masturbation every time, day in and day out, but then one day, you add a new tool to change things up. Suddenly orgasm is a thousand times better. Think of a sex toy as a wonderful new booster: An addition, not a replacement.
Let's get the most common misconception out of the way: Sex toys are only for those who are desperate and lonely. Wrong. Couples use sex toys to heighten their relationships, and singles use these toys with healthy and happy attitudes about sex and relationships experience. Using sex toys during solo or "two or more" person play is not about immorality or unhealthy sexual attitudes; it is about having a good time. Plain and simple.
Sexuality is a primal, wired drive; denying it is like denying the urge to eat or drink water. So why view toys as only for those who are desperate? Let's look at sex toys as a way to honour and satisfy our physically ingrained needs.
The notion that using sex toys means that there is something wrong with one's body or partner bothered me. In Mr Vibes' view, sex toys compensate for a body that doesn't work well or help a partner who doesn't know how to perform "well". Wrong. For example, many women with perfectly functioning bodies cannot orgasm simply because vaginal intercourse doesn't directly stimulate their clitoris. Or they simply take longer to orgasm during intercourse. Only about 25% of women regularly orgasm during penetrative sex. The other 75% need additional stimulation to orgasm during intercourse. That is neither right nor wrong; it is simply a fact of anatomy.
And many sex therapists recommend using toys, like vibrators or pleasure rings, to stimulate women's erogenous zones. Many women require more than G-spot stimulation. So consider the addition of a spunky sex toy to truly explore the needs of our unique bodies.
Another misconception many people have is that dishonest men trying to capitalise on sexual ignorance make sex toys. Wrong. Think sleazy bodegas in dodgy alleys, where the lighting is poor, and the walls are plastered with overly-sexualised nude women in disempowered depictions. These "retailers" carry products that are cheap and poorly made.
The vision of Lovetreats and many other legal & safe brands is to discard these negative notions. Lovetreats is woman-friendly and features NO lewd images. We encourage equality in sexual relations governed by safety and consent. Most importantly, the idea is to encourage people to explore their pleasures and needs so that we can reclaim our natural instincts.
Perhaps it's time to view toys as genuinely awe-inspiring, not toys of the "lonely and desperate". See sex toys as the basil to your regular salad! Let's be real, as Norman Lindsay once said, "Sex is not only the basis of life, it is the reason for life." – so why not enjoy it?
Written by Nidhi Gopalan. Nidhi studied Acting at NYU and is currently finishing her degree in Social Work in Bangalore. Nidhi loves cooking, meeting new people and changing her hair colour once in a while. She writes awesome blogs and makes sure the Lovetreats team gets enough vitamins and antioxidants.