A lot of people (mostly men) take foreplay for granted. We’ve heard innumerable stories of people having sex without foreplay or bare minimal foreplay like it was a tax that they were trying to avoid. Even animals have what they call “pre-coital activities” that gets them ready to go, go, go. What makes humans think that they can cook a great horizontal salsa without a little preparation first?
Let’s start with the basics. What is foreplay? The Wikipedia definition of foreplay says, “In human sexual behavior, foreplay is a set of emotionally and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity. Either or any of the sexual partners may indicate sexual interest to initiate foreplay, and the initiator may not be the active partner during the sexual activity. Foreplay stimulates both partners' sexuality, lowers inhibitions and increases emotional intimacy between partners, and implies a certain level of confidence and trust between the partners.”
With that information you are now armed to understand why sex without foreplay sucks and why you need to change that about your sex life as fast as you can. So let’s begin.
- Foreplay is the path to fulfilment.
Let’s admit to one truth at least: Sex is most fulfilling when all parties involved are actually and wholly involved in the act. The time taken for all parties to get themselves fully involved in the act can vary. Foreplay, as you can see from the definition, helps partners synch up with each other till they’re both at a place where orgasms are locked and loaded, ready to go if things are done right.
- Without foreplay, sex sucks.
Mutual arousal and foreplay are deeply interconnected. Without the proper arousal, sex can hurt you both physically as well as emotionally. It can be particularly hurtful for women. Guys, if you don’t believe us, why don’t you cook your women some nice dinner, pour them a glass of wine and bloody hell ask them?
- Foreplay fosters intimacy.
Unless banging yourself against an inanimate object is your thing (no judgements, we swear), and you want to feel like you are having sex with a real person, with feelings and emotions, you have to open yourself up to that person. Foreplay lowers inhibitions, makes all parties involved more expressive of their desires.
- Foreplay helps to establish boundaries and consents.
- Foreplay is just MORE sex.
Write this down: Penetration is not sex. When two people want to have sex with each other, everything they do to each other with the intent of making that person feel aroused or ecstatic is sex. Foreplay can sometimes even begin with cooking dinner and tingling the right tastebuds to begin a night of a LOT MORE sex.
If you’re still unconvinced about the benefits of foreplay, maybe you should wait before you have sex again. Here’s our last and the most radical argument: Both sex and violence involve two people being in intense physical contact with each other. The line that separates sex from violence in that most basic definition is made of: consent, mutual trust, emotional and physical pleasure, and confidence. So the next time you and your partner want to get hot and heavy, try a little foreplay first. If the regular foreplay acts don’t work for you, do some research and try other safe, sane and sexy things. But never forget: No play without foreplay.
Also read: Spicing up foreplay