Many people take foreplay for granted. We’ve heard countless stories of people having sex without foreplay or bare minimal foreplay like it was a tax they were trying to avoid. Even animals have what they call “pre-coital activities” that prepare them to go, go, go. What makes humans think they can cook an amazing horizontal salsa without a bit of preparation first?
Let's start with the basics. What is foreplay? The Wikipedia definition of foreplay says, "In human sexual behaviour, foreplay is a set of emotionally and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity. Both sexual partners may indicate sexual interest in initiating foreplay, and the initiator may not be the active partner during the sexual activity. Foreplay stimulates both partners' sexuality, lowers inhibitions and increases emotional intimacy, and implies a certain level of confidence and trust between the partners."
With that, you now understand why sex without foreplay sucks and why you need to change that about your sex life as fast as possible. So let's begin.
Let’s admit to one truth at least: Sex is most fulfilling when all parties involved are actually and wholly engaged in the act. The time taken for all parties to get fully involved can vary. Foreplay, as you can see from the definition, helps partners synch up with each other until they’re both at a place where orgasms are locked and loaded, ready to go.
Without foreplay, sex sucks.
Mutual arousal and foreplay are deeply interconnected. Without the proper arousal, sex can hurt you physically and emotionally. It can be particularly hurtful for women. Guys, if you don’t believe us, why don’t you cook your women some nice dinner, pour them a glass of wine, and bloody hell ask them?
Foreplay fosters intimacy.
Unless banging yourself against an inanimate object is your thing (no judgements, we swear), and you want to feel like you are having sex with a natural person, with feelings and emotions, you have to open yourself up to that person. Foreplay lowers inhibitions and makes all parties involved more expressive of their desires.
Foreplay helps to establish boundaries and consent(s).
Yes, consents is in the plural. If someone’s having sex with you, they haven’t given you full permission to do whatever you want to do to their body (unless they explicitly say that). Every moment is a negotiation. As Michael Bolton sang, “Can I touch you… there?” Foreplay is like banging out the first round of negotiations (even more if you like dirty talk).
Foreplay is just MORE sex.
Write this down: Penetration is not sex. When two people want to have sex, everything they do to each other to make that person feel aroused or ecstatic is sex. Foreplay can sometimes even begin with cooking dinner and tingling the right tastebuds to start a night of a LOT MORE sex.
If you’re still unconvinced about the benefits of foreplay, maybe you should wait before you have sex again. Here’s our last and the most radical argument: Both sex and violence involve two people being in intense physical contact with each other. The line that separates sex from violence in that most basic definition is made of: consent, mutual trust, emotional and physical pleasure, and confidence. So the next time you and your partner want to get hot and heavy, try a little foreplay first. If the regular foreplay acts don’t work for you, do some research and try other safe, sane and sexy things. But never forget: No play without foreplay.
Also read: Spicing up foreplay